George Bernard Shaw a penn State Electronic Classics Series Publication

self back into the big chair with large self approval]. Now what
do you think of me, Miss Ellie?
ELLIE 
[dropping her hands]. How strange! that my mother,
who knew nothing at all about business, should have been
quite right about you! She always said not before papa, of
course, but to us children—that you were just that sort of
man.
MANGAN 
[sitting up, much hurt]. Oh! did she? And yet
she’d have let you marry me.

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78
Heartbreak House
ELLIE
. Well, you see, Mr Mangan, my mother married a
very good man—for whatever you may think of my father
as a man of business, he is the soul of goodness—and she is
not at all keen on my doing the same.
MANGAN
. Anyhow, you don’t want to marry me now, do you?
ELLIE
. [very calmly]. Oh, I think so. Why not?
MANGAN
. [rising aghast]. Why not!
ELLIE
. I don’t see why we shouldn’t get on very well to-
gether.
MANGAN
. Well, but look here, you know—[he stops, quite
at a loss].
ELLIE
. [patiently]. Well?
MANGAN
. Well, I thought you were rather particular about
people’s characters.
ELLIE
. If we women were particular about men’s characters,
we should never get married at all, Mr Mangan.
MANGAN
. A child like you talking of “we women”! What
next! You’re not in earnest?
ELLIE
. Yes, I am. Aren’t you?
MANGAN
. You mean to hold me to it?
ELLIE
. Do you wish to back out of it?
MANGAN
. Oh, no. Not exactly back out of it.
ELLIE
. Well?
He has nothing to say. With a long whispered whistle, he drops
into the wicker chair and stares before him like a beggared gam-
bler. But a cunning look soon comes into his face. He leans over
towards her on his right elbow, and speaks in a low steady voice.
MANGAN
. Suppose I told you I was in love with another
woman!
ELLIE 
[echoing him]. Suppose I told you I was in love with
another man!
MANGAN 
[bouncing angrily out of his chair]. I’m not joking.
ELLIE
. Who told you I was?
MANGAN
. I tell you I’m serious. You’re too young to be
serious; but you’ll have to believe me. I want to be near your

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79
GB Shaw
friend Mrs Hushabye. I’m in love with her. Now the murder’s
out.
ELLIE
. I want to be near your friend Mr Hushabye. I’m in
love with him. [She rises and adds with a frank air] Now we
are in one another’s confidence, we shall be real friends. Thank
you for telling me.
MANGAN 
[almost beside himself]. Do you think I’ll be made
a convenience of like this?
ELLIE
. Come, Mr Mangan! you made a business conve-
nience of my father. Well, a woman’s business is marriage.
Why shouldn’t I make a domestic convenience of you?
MANGAN
. Because I don’t choose, see? Because I’m not a
silly gull like your father. That’s why.
ELLIE 
[with serene contempt]. You are not good enough to
clean my father’s boots, Mr Mangan; and I am paying you a
great compliment in condescending to make a convenience
of you, as you call it. Of course you are free to throw over
our engagement if you like; but, if you do, you’ll never enter
Hesione’s house again: I will take care of that.
MANGAN 
[gasping]. You little devil, you’ve done me. [On
the point of collapsing into the big chair again he recovers him-
self]. Wait a bit, though: you’re not so cute as you think. You
can’t beat Boss Mangan as easy as that. Suppose I go straight
to Mrs Hushabye and tell her that you’re in love with her
husband.
ELLIE
. She knows it.
MANGAN
. You told her!!!
ELLIE
. She told me.
MANGAN 
[clutching at his bursting temples]. Oh, this is a
crazy house. Or else I’m going clean off my chump. Is she
making a swop with you—she to have your husband and
you to have hers?
ELLIE
. Well, you don’t want us both, do you?
MANGAN 
[throwing himself into the chair distractedly]. My
brain won’t stand it. My head’s going to split. Help! Help me
to hold it. Quick: hold it: squeeze it. Save me. [Ellie comes