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6) she is changing, as if she is expecting a reaction from others. But this appears hard to do as
she writes that she „keeps asking‟ (line 7) as if she still has to check out what is going on for
others or in her words „just in case‟ (line 7). But just in case of what, just in case they need her,
or just in case it is her responsibility to get drawn in. It feels very hard for her to let go of her
way of being. She then appears to exhort herself to stop asking and see what happens (line 8) as
if seeing what happens may help her to see the possibility of different outcomes. She then
exhorts herself again to leave the load (line 9) as if she is wanting to leave all the responsibility
that she takes on behind her. She also seems to feel that this might relieve the stuckness (line 9)
she described at the start of the entry. She seems to feel that she is accepting and respecting
others (line 10)as if this is something that she is in the process of doing already but it feels new
for she follows it with paralysing fear (line 11) as if actually doing this is so terrifying that she is
paralysed, stuck, by the enormity of such change. Perhaps letting others take responsibility for
their own actions is paralysing to her for she loses the role she knows.
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