Games People Play

Antithesis
. The presumption that a certain sequence constitutes a game is tentative until it has been 
existentially validated. This validation is carried out by a refusal to play or by undercutting the 
payoff. The one who is "it" will then make more intense efforts to continue the game. In the face of 
adamant refusal to play or a successful undercutting he will then lapse into a state called "despair," 
which in some respects resembles a depression, but is different in significant ways. It is more acute 
and contains elements of frustration and bewilderment. It may be manifested, for example, by the 
onset of perplexed weeping. In a successful therapeutic situation this may soon be replaced by 
humorous laughter, implying an Adult realization: "There I go again!" Thus despair is a concern of 
the Adult, while in depression it is the Child who has the executive power. Hopefulness, 
enthusiasm or a lively interest in one's surroundings is the opposite of depression; laughter is the 
opposite of despair. Hence the enjoyable quality of therapeutic game analysis. The antithesis to 
IWFY is permissiveness. As long as the husband is prohibitive, the game can proceed. If instead of 
saying "Don't you dare!" he says "Go ahead!" the underlying phobias are unmasked, and the wife 
can no longer turn on him, as demonstrated in Mrs. White's case. 
For clear understanding of a game, the antithesis should be known and its effectiveness 
demonstrated in practice. 
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Aim
, This states simply the general purpose of the game. Sometimes there are alternatives. The aim 
of IWFY may be stated as either reassurance ("It's not that I'm afraid, it's that he won't let me") or 
vindication ("It's not that I'm not trying, it's that he holds me back"). The reassuring function is 
easier to clarify and is more in accord with the security needs of the wife; therefore IWFY is most 
simply regarded as having the aim of reassurance. 
Roles
. As previously noted, ego states are not roles but phenomena. Therefore ego states and roles 
have to be distinguished in a formal description. Games may be described as two-handed, three-
handed, many-handed, etc., according to the number of roles offered. Sometimes the ego state of 
each player corresponds to his role, sometimes it does not. 
IWFY is a two-handed game and calls For a restricted wife and a domineering husband. The wife 
may play her role either as a prudent Adult ("It's best that I do as he says") or as a petulant Child. 
The domineering husband may preserve an Adult ego state ("It's best that you do as I say") or slip 
into a Parental one ("You'd better do what I say"). 
Dynamics
. There are alternatives in staring the psycho-dynamic driving forces behind each case of 
a game. It is usually possible, however, to pick out a single psychodynamic concept which usefully, 
aptly and meaningfully epitomizes the situation. Thus IWFY is best described as deriving from 
phobic sources. 
Examples
. Since the childhood origins of a game, or its infantile prototypes, are instructive to 
study, it is worthwhile to search for such cognates in making a formal description. It happens that 
IFWY is just as frequently played by little children as by grown-ups, so the childhood version is the 
same as the later one, with the actual parent substituted for the restricting husband.