Games People Play

2 A TYPICAL GAME 
The most common game played between spouses is colloquially called "If It Weren't For You," and 
this will be used to illustrate the characteristics of games in general. 
Mrs. White complained that her husband severely restricted her social activities, so that she had 
never learned to dance. Due to changes in her attitude brought about by psychiatric treatment, her 
husband became less sure of himself and more indulgent. Mrs. White was then free to enlarge the 
scope of her activities. She signed up for dancing classes, and then discovered to her despair that 
she had a morbid fear of dance floors and had to abandon this project. 
This unfortunate adventure, along with similar ones, laid bare some important aspects of the 
structure of her marriage. Out of her many suitors she had picked a domineering man for a husband. 
She was then in a position to complain that she could do all sorts of things "if it weren't for you." 
Many of her women friends also had domineering husbands, and when they met for their morning 
coffee, they spent a good deal of time playing "If It Weren't For Him." 
As it turned out, however, contrary to her complaints, her husband was performing a very real 
service for her by forbidding her to do something she was deeply afraid of, and by preventing her, 
in fact, from even becoming aware of her fears. This was one reason her Child had shrewdly 
chosen such a husband. 
But there was more to it than that. His prohibitions and her complaints frequently led to quarrels, so 
that their sex life was seriously impaired. And because of his feelings of guilt, he frequently 
brought her gifts which might not otherwise have been forthcoming; certainly when he gave her 
more freedom, his gifts diminished in lavishness and frequency. She and her husband had little in 
common besides their household worries and the children, so that their quarrels stood out as 
important events; it was mainly on these occasions that they had anything but the most casual 
conversations. At any rate, her married life had proved one thing to her that she had always 
maintained: that ail men were mean and tyrannical. As it turned out, this attitude was related to 
some daydreams of being sexually abused which had plagued her in earlier years. 
There are various ways of describing this game in general terms. It is apparent that it belongs in the 
large field of social dynamics. The basic fact is that by marrying, Mr. and Mrs. White have an 
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opportunity to communicate with each other, and such an opportunity may be called social contact. 
The fact that they use this opportunity makes their household a social aggregation, as contrasted 
with a New York subway train, for example, where people are in spatial contact but rarely avail 
themselves of the opportunity and so form a this-social aggregation. The influence the Whites exert 
on each other's behavior and responses constitutes social action. Various disciplines would 
investigate such social action from different points of view. Since we are here concerned with the 
personal histories and psycho-dynamics of the individuals involved, the present approach is one 
aspect of social -psychiatry; some implicit or explicit judgment is passed on the "healthiness" of the 
games studied. This is somewhat different from the more neutral and less committed attitudes of 
sociology and social psychology. Psychiatry reserves the right to say, "Just a moment!" which the 
other disciplines do not. Transactional analysis is a branch of social psychiatry, and game analysis 
is a special aspect of transactional analysis. 
Practical game analysis deals with special cases as they appear in specific situations. Theoretical 
game analysis attempts to abstract and generalize the characteristics of various games, so that they 
can be recognized independently of their momentary verbal content and their cultural matrix. The 
theoretical analysis of "If It Weren't For You," Marital Type, for example, should state the 
characteristics of that game in such a way that it can be recognized just as easily in a New Guinea 
jungle village as in a Manhattan penthouse, whether it is concerned with a nuptial party or with the 
financial problems of getting a fishing rod for the grandchildren; and regardless of how bluntly or 
subtly the moves are made, according to the permissible degrees of frankness between husband and 
wife. The prevalence of the game in a given society is a matter for sociology and anthropology. 
Game analysis, as a part of social psychiatry, is only interested in describing the game when it does 
occur, regardless of how often that may be. This distinction is not complex, but it is analogous to 
the distinction between public health and internal medicine; the first is interested in the prevalence 
of malaria, while the latter studies cases of malaria as they come up, in the jungle or in Manhattan. 
At the present time the scheme given below has been round the most useful one for theoretical 
game analysis. No doubt it will be improved as further knowledge accumulates. The first requisite 
is to recognize that a certain sequence of maneuvers meets the criteria of a game. As many samples 
as possible of the game are then collected. The significant features of the collection are isolated. 
Certain aspects emerge as essential. These are then classified under headings which are designed to 
be as meaningful and instructive as possible in the current state of knowledge. The analysis is 
undertaken from the point of view of the one who is "it"—in this case, Mrs. White. 
Thesis
. This is a genera) description of the game, including the immediate sequence of events (the 
social level) and information about their psychological background, evolution and significance (the 
psychological level). In the case of "If It Weren't For You," Marital Type, the details already given 
will serve (pp. 50-51). For the sake of brevity, this game will henceforth be referred to as IWFY.