Games People Play

A: "There wouldn't be all this delinquency if it weren't for broken homes." 
B: "It's not only that. Even in good homes nowadays the children aren't taught manners the way 
they used to be." 
"PTA," Introjective Type runs along the following lines (Adult-Adult): 
C: "I just don't seem to have what it takes to be a mother." 
D: "No matter how hard you try, they never grow up the way you want them to, so you have to keep 
wondering if you're doing the right thing and what mistakes you've made." 
"Psychiatry" Projective Type takes the Adult-Adult form: 
E: "I think it's some unconscious oral frustration that makes him act that way." 
F: "You seem to have your aggressions so well sublimated." 
Figure 6B represents "Psychiatry," Introjective Type, another Adult-Adult pastime. 
G: "That painting symbolizes smearing to me." 
H: "In my case, painting is trying to please my father." 
Besides structuring time and providing mutually acceptable stroking for the parties concerned, 
pastimes serve the additional function of being social-selection processes. While a pastime is in 
progress, the Child in each player is watchfully assessing the potentialities of the others involved. 
At the end of the party, each person will have selected certain players he would like to see more of, 
while others he will discard, regardless of how skillfully or pleasantly they each engaged in the 
pastime. The ones he selects are those who seem the most likely candidates for more complex 
relationships—that is, games. This sorting system, however well rationalized, is actually largely 
unconscious and intuitive. 
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<; FIGURE 6 > 
In special cases the Adult overrides the Child in the selection process. This is most clearly 
illustrated by an insurance salesman who carefully learns to play social pastimes. While he is 
playing, his Adult listens for possible prospects and selects them from the players as people he 
would like to see more of. Their adeptness at games or congeniality is quite irrelevant to his process 
of selection, which is based, as in most cases, on peripheral factors—in this instance, financial 
readiness. 
Pastimes, however, have a quite specific aspect of exclusiveness. For example, "Man Talk" and 
"Lady Talk" do not mix. People playing a hard hand of "Ever Been" (there) will be annoyed by an 
intruder who wants to play "How Much" (for avocados) or "Morning After." People playing 
Projective "PTA" will resent the intrusion of Introjective "PTA," although usually not as intensely 
as the other way around. 
Pastimes form the basis for the selection of acquaintances, and may lead to friendship. A party of 
women who drop in at each other's houses every morning for coffee to play "Delinquent Husband" 
are likely to give a cool reception to a new neighbor who wants to play "Sunny Side Up." If they 
are saying how mean their husbands are, it is too disconcerting to have a newcomer declare that her 
husband is just marvelous, in fact perfect, and they will not keep her long. So at a cocktail party, if 
someone wants to move from one corner to another, he must either join in the pastime played in his 
new location or else successfully switch the whole proceeding into a new channel. A good hostess, 
of course, takes the situation in hand immediately and states the program: "We were just playing 
Projective 'PTA.' What do you think' Or: "Come now, you girls have been playing 'Wardrobe' long 
enough. Mr. J. here is a writer/politician/surgeon, and I'm sure he'd like to play 'Look Ma No 
Hands.' Wouldn't you, Mr. F" 
Another important advantage obtained from pastimes is the confirmation of role and the stabilizing 
of position. A role is something like what Jung calls persona, except that it is less opportunistic and 
more deeply rooted in the individual's fantasies. Thus in Projective "PTA" one player may take the 
role of tough Parent, another the role of righteous Parent, a third the role of indulgent Parent and a 
fourth the role of helpful Parent. All four experience and exhibit a Parental ego state, but each 
presents himself differently. The role of each one is confirmed if it prevails —that is, if it meets 
with no antagonism or is strengthened by any antagonism it meets or is approved by certain types 
of people with stroking. 
The confirmation of his role stabilizes the individual's position, and this is called the existential 
advantage from the pastime. A position is a simple predicative statement which influences all of the 
individual's transactions; in the long run it determines his destiny and often that of his descendants 
(a) Projective "PTA" 
"Juvenile Delinquency" 
Parent 
Adult 
Child 
Parent 
Parent 
Parent 
Adult 
Adult 
Adult 
Child 
Child 
Child 
(b) Introjective "Psychiatry" 
"Psychoanalysis" 
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as well. A position may be more or less absolute. Typical positions from which Projective "PTA" 
can be played are: "All children are bad!" "All other children are bad!" "All children are sad!" "All 
children are persecuted!" These positions might give rise to the role of die tough, the righteous, the 
indulgent and the helpful Parent, respectively. Actually a position is primarily manifested by the 
mental attitude to which it gives rise, and it is with this attitude that the individual undertakes the 
transactions which constitute his role. 
Positions are taken and become fixed surprisingly early, from the second or even the first year to 
the seventh year of life—in any case long before the individual is competent or experienced enough 
to make such a serious commitment. It is not difficult to deduce from an individual's position the 
kind of childhood he must have had. Unless something or somebody intervenes, he spends the rest 
of his life stabilizing his position and dealing with situations that threaten it: by avoiding them, 
warding other certain elements or manipulating them provocatively so that they are transformed 
from threats into justifications. One reason pastimes are so stereotyped is that they serve such 
stereotyped purposes. But the gains they offer show why people play them so eagerly, and why 
they can be so pleasant if played with people who have constructive or benevolent positions to 
maintain. 
A pastime is not always easy to distinguish from an activity, and combinations frequently occur. 
Many commonplace pastimes, such as "General Motors," consist of what psychologists might call 
Multiple-Choice—Sentence-Completion exchanges. 
A. "I like a Ford/Chevrolet/Plymouth better than a Ford/Chevrolet/Plymouth because. . . ." 
B. "Oh. Well, I'd rather have a Ford/Chevrolet/Plymouth than a Ford/Chevrolet/Plymouth 
because. . . ." 
It is apparent that there may actually be some useful information conveyed in such stereotypes, 
A few other common pastimes may be mentioned. "Me Too" is often a variant of "Ain't It Awful." 
"Why Don't They" (do something about it) is a favorite among housewives who do not wish to be 
emancipated. "Then We'll" is a Child-Child pastime. "Let's Find" (something to do) is played by 
juvenile delinquents or mischievous grown-ups.