Games People Play

CHAPTER EIGHT 
Party Games 
PARTIES are for pastimes, and pastimes are for parties (including the period before a group 
meeting officially begins), but as acquaintanceship ripens, games begin to emerge. The Schlemiel 
and his victim recognize each other, as do Big Daddy and Little Old Me; all the familiar but 
disregarded processes of selection get under way. In this section four games which are typically 
played in ordinary social situations are considered: "Ain't It Awful," "Blemish," "Schlemiel," and 
"Why Don't You—Yes But." 
1 AIN'T IT AWFUL 
Thesis
. This is played in four significant forms: Parental pastime, Adult pastime, Child pastime and 
game. In the pastimes there is no denouement or payoff, but much un-wordly feeling. 
1. "Nowadays" is the self-righteous, punitive or even vicious parental pastime. Sociologically it is 
common among certain types of middle-aged women with small independent incomes. One such 
woman withdrew from a therapy group when her opening move was met with silence instead of 
with the excited corroboration she was accustomed to in her social circle. In this more sophisticated 
group, accustomed to game analysis, there was a conspicuous lack of togetherness when White 
remarked: "Speaking of not trusting people, it's no wonder you can't trust anyone nowadays. I was 
looking through the desk of one of my roomers, and you won't believe what I found." She knew the 
answers to most of the current community problems: juvenile delinquency (parents too soft 
nowadays); divorce (wives without enough to do to keep them busy nowadays); crime (foreigners 
moving into white neighborhoods nowadays); and rising prices (businessmen too grasping 
nowadays). She made it clear that she herself was not soft with her delinquent son, nor with her 
delinquent tenants. 
"Nowadays" is differentiated from idle gossip by its slogan "It's no wonder." The opening move 
may be the same ('They say that Flossie Murgatroyd"), but in "Nowadays" there is direction and 
closure; an "explanation" may be offered. Idle gossip merely rambles or trails off. 
2. "Broken Skin" is the more benevolent Adult variation, with the slogan "What a pity!" although 
the underlying motivations are equally morbid. "Broken Skin" deals primarily with the flow of 
blood; it is essentially an informal clinical colloquium. Anyone is eligible to present a case, the 
more horrifying the better, and details are eagerly considered. Blows in the face, abdominal 
operations and difficult childbirths are accepted topics. Here the differentiation from idle gossip lies 
in the rivalry and surgical sophistication. Pathological anatomy, diagnosis, prognosis and 
comparative case studies are systematically pursued. A good prognosis is approved in idle gossip, 
but in "Broken Skin" a consistently hopeful outlook, unless obviously insincere, may invoke a 
secret meeting of the Credentials Committee because the player is -non -particeps criminis. 
3. "Water Cooler," or "Coffee Break," is the Child pastime, with the slogan "Look what they're 
doing to us now." This is an organizational variant. It may be played after dark in the milder 
political or economic form called "Bar Stool." It is actually three-handed, the ace being held by the 
often shadowy figure called "They." 
4. As a game, "Ain't It Awful" finds its most dramatic expression in polysurgery addicts, and their 
transactions illustrate its characteristics. These are doctor-shoppers, people who actively seek 
surgery even in the face of sound medical opposition. The experience itself, the hospitalization and 
surgery, brings its own advantages. The internal psychological advantage comes from having the 
body mutilated; the external psychological advantage lies in the avoidance of all intimacies and 
responsibilities except complete surrender to the surgeon. The biological advantages are typified by 
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nursing care. The internal social advantages come from the medical and nursing staff, and from 
other patients. After the patient's discharge the external social advantages are gained by provoking 
sympathy and awe. In its extreme form this game is played professionally by fraudulent or 
determined liability and malpractice claimants, who may earn a living by deliberately or 
opportunistically incurring disabilities. They then demand not only sympathy, as amateur players 
do, but indemnification. "Ain't It Awful" becomes a game, then, when the player overtly expresses 
distress, but is covertly gratified at the prospect of the satisfactions he can wring from his 
misfortune. 
In general, people who suffer misfortunes may be divided into three classes. 
1. Those in whom the suffering is inadvertent and unwanted. These may or may not exploit the 
sympathy which is so readily offered to them. Some exploitation is natural enough, and may be 
treated with common courtesy. 
2. Those in whom the suffering is inadvertent, but is gratefully received because of the 
opportunities for exploitation it offers. Here the game is an afterthought, a "secondary gain" in 
Freud's sense. 
3. Those who seek suffering, like polysurgery addicts who go from one surgeon to another until 
they find one willing to operate. Here the game is the primary consideration.