enmeshed me the more in my dependence on her. This strong-minded woman herself dealt with the complications which developed from my running away, and took care of almost everything else for me. An a result I became more timid than ever before her. At Shizuko's suggestion a conference took place attended by Flatfish, Horiki and herself at which it was concluded that all relations between me and my family were to be broken, and I was to live with Shizuko as man and wife. Thanks also to Shizuko's efforts, my cartoons began to produce a surprising amount of money. I bought liquor and cigarettes, as I had planned, with the proceeds, but my gloom and depression grew
only the more intense. I had sunk to the bottom: sometimes when I was drawing "The Adventures of Kinta and Ota," the monthly comic strip for Shizuko's magazine, I would suddenly think of home, and this made me feel so miserable that my pen would stop moving, and I looked down, through brimming tears. At such times the one slight relief came from little Shigeko. By now she was calling me "Daddy" with no show of hesitation. "Daddy, is it true that God will grant you anything if you pray for it?" I thought that I for one would like to make such a prayer: Oh, vouchsafe unto me a will of ice. Acquaint me with the true natures of "human beings." Is it not a sin for a man to push aside his fellow? Vouchsafe unto me a mask of anger. "Yes. I'm sure He'll grant Shigeko anything she wants, but I don't suppose Daddy has a chance." I was frightened even by God. I could not believe in His love, only in
