363
Line 8.
sadness. Need to do it differently
Line 9.
How?
Line 10.
Greater nurturing of self + family
Line 11.
+ reduce the energy invested in „partnership‟.
This entry starts with a description of the client‟s sadness (line 1) which feels heavy and later she
returns to add to this description (lines 7,8) as if writing the entry has made her more aware of
how enormous the sadness is. Her future feels uncertain (line 2) and she feels that she has
outgrown the constructs (lines 3,4) that she has lived with until now. It appears that the process
of therapy is enabling her to question who she is or wants to be and perhaps this is what her self
doubt (line 4) is about. The whole of lines five and six are in speech marks as if she is talking to
herself very particularly. Perhaps there is a part of her that would like to have enough self esteem
and confidence to have an affair (lines 5,6) or maybe she needs an affair with herself which is
what the counselling appears to offer. Yet it is after this that she describes her sadness again so
perhaps she is unsure about this. It seems she wants to do life differently, or be herself differently
(line 8) yet she says this is a need which suggests a desire to change. In questioning how (line 9)
to do this she appears to be telling herself what to do next. She then seems to answer the question
by saying that she wants to nurture herself and her family more and reduce the energy invested in
the partnership (line 11) with her husband as if their relationship has been her main focus.
Perhaps she has wanted more than he has been able to give in that she may have wanted him to
save her from her past rather than having to do this for herself. An „affair‟ with herself may
enable her to save herself. Perhaps she needs to reduce the amount of energy that she spends on
being the victim in her internal partnership with an abusive self.
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