Games People Play

5 SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO
Thesis
. In its classical form this is a marital game, and in fact is a "three-star marriage buster," but 
it may also be played between parents and children and in working life. 
(1) First-Degree SWYMD: White, feeling unsociable, becomes engrossed in some activity which 
tends to insulate him against people. Perhaps all he wants at the moment is to be left alone. An 
intruder, such as his wife or one of his children, comes either for stroking or to ask him something 
like, "Where can I find the long-nosed pliers?" This interruption "causes" his chisel, paintbrush, 
typewriter or soldering iron to slip, whereupon he turns on the intruder in a rage and cries, "See 
what you made me do." As this is repeated through the years, his family tends more and more to 
leave him alone when he is engrossed. Of course it is not the intruder but his own irritation which 
"causes' the slip, and he is only too happy when it occurs, since it gives him a lever for ejecting the 
visitor. Unfortunately this is a game which is only too easily learned by young children, so that it is 
easily passed on from generation to generation. The underlying satisfaction and advantages are 
more clearly demonstrated when it is played more seductively. 
(2) Second-Degree SWYMD: If SWYMD is the basis for a way of life, rather than merely being 
used occasionally as a protective mechanism, White marries a woman who plays "I'm Only Trying 
to Help You" or one of its relatives. It is then easy for him to defer decisions to her. Often this may 
be done in the guise of considerateness or gallantry. He may deferentially and courteously let her 
decide where to go for dinner or which movie to see. If things cum out well, he can enjoy them. If 
not, he can blame her by saying or implying: "You Got Me Into This," a simple variation of 
SWYMD. Or he may throw the burden of decisions regarding the children's upbringing on her, 
while he acts as executive officer; if the children get upset he can play a straight game of SWYMD. 
This lays the groundwork through the years. For blaming mother if the children turn out badly; then 
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SWYMD is not an end in itself, but merely offers passing satisfaction on the way to "I Told You 
So" or "See What You've Done Now." 
The professional player who pays his psychological way with SWYMD will use it also in his work. 
In occupational SWYMD the long-suffering look of resentment replaces words. The player 
"democratically" or as part of "good management" asks his assistants for suggestions. In this way 
he may attain an unassailable position for terrorizing his juniors. Any mistake he makes can be 
used against them by blaming them for it. Used against seniors (blaming them for one's mistakes), 
it becomes self-destructive and may lead to termination of employment or, in the army, to transfer 
to another unit. In that case it is a component of "Why Does This Always Happen To Me?" with 
resentful people, or of "There I Go Again" with depressives— (both of the "Kick Me" family). 
(3) Third-Degree SWYMD: in a hard form SWYMD may be played by paranoids against people 
incautious enough to give them advice (.see "I'm Only Trying to Help You"). There it may be 
dangerous, and in rare cases even fatal. 
"See What You Made Me Do" (SWYMD) and "You Got Me Into This" (UGMIT) complement 
each other nicely, so that the SWYMD-UGMIT combination is a classical basis for the covert game 
contract in many marriages. This contract is illustrated by the following sequence. 
By mutual agreement Mrs. White did the family bookkeeping and paid the bills out of the joint 
checking account because Mr. White was "poor at figures." Every few months they would be 
notified of an overdraft, and Mr. White would have to square it with the bank. When they looked 
for the source of the difficulty, it would turn out that Mrs. White had made an expensive purchase 
without telling her husband. When this came to light, Mr. White would furiously play his UGMIT, 
and she would tearfully accept his rebuke and promise it would not happen again. Everything 
would go smoothly for a while, and then a creditor's agent would suddenly appear to demand 
payment for a long-overdue bill. Mr. White, not having heard of this bill, would question his wife 
about it. She would then play her SWYMD, saying that it was his fault. Since he had forbidden her 
to overdraw their account, the only way she could make ends meet was by leaving this large 
obligation unpaid and hiding the duns from him. 
These games had been allowed to go on for ten years, on the basis that each occurrence would be 
the last, and that from then on it would be different—which it was, for a few months. In therapy Mr. 
White very cleverly analyzed this game without any assistance from the therapist, and also devised 
an effective remedy. By mutual agreement he and Mrs. White put all charge accounts and their 
bank account in his name. Mrs. White continued to do the bookkeeping and make out the checks, 
but Mr. White saw the hills first and controlled the outgoing payments. In this way neither duns nor 
overdrafts could get by him, and they now shared the budgetary labor. Deprived of die satisfactions 
and advantages of SWYMD-UGMIT, the Whites were at first at a loss, and were then driven to 
find more open and constructive types of gratification from each other.